Do’s And Don’ts For Men On Tinder
Guys it’s time to shed the creepy stereotypes and take online dating seriously
Editors Note: This is a two-part series on the joys, sorrows, and painfully awkward experiences that Tinder provides. Over the past three months, Lede In’s, Javier Cortez ran Tinder accounts for male and female users and came back with some interesting thoughts on one of the most popular dating service apps. Javier is in no way an expert on dating or relationships, just another millennial know it all with a laptop.
Disclaimer to show I am not a creep: I know what you are thinking, did this guy really run some woman’s Tinder account, pose as a chick, and talk to men? The answer is neither yes or no, but somewhere in the middle.
With my female friend’s supervision and go ahead I initiated conversations, gave advice on what to say, and had input on possible meetups. Essentially, I got the ball rolling, nothing more, nothing less.
Running a female’s Tinder account enforced plenty of creepy male stereotypes and at the same time showed the timidity that many men have when initiating conversation with the opposite sex.
Generally, you have three types of guys who initiate the conversation: the perv who wants to get in your pants, the guy who tries too hard to be cool, and the inept who’s vocabulary stops at “hey”.
If you want to separate yourself from the pack and give yourself a chance, here are some do’s and don’ts you should take into consideration.
Don’t use Tinder as way for cheap sex
Just because a girl matches with you does not mean she wants to automatically go on a date or have sex with you. I know men have more complexities to them then whats in their pants, but a bunch of you thirsty dudes are severely dehydrated.
Please stop with the dirty pickup lines, lame meet up destinations, and cheap compliments. I can see when another guy is running game from a mile away, and most of you suck at it.
I get it, women like sex, they enjoy hookups and zero commitment just like men. These women do exist and they are on Tinder. But the notion that Tinder is this Utopian hotbed of free pussy is comical.
Most women are not looking to meet up within the first hour they match to “hang out”. There is nothing wrong with casual sex, but the horndog masquerading as the charming gentleman is getting old.
If you can’t run game in real life, save yourself some time and don’t do it on Tinder.
Do show off your physique in an appropriate way
This might seem like a contradiction, considering my soap box rant in the previous suggestion, but hear me out. There is a fine line between showing off and shamelessly exploiting yourself.
Your profile should not be littered with pictures of you taking the trash out flexing with your shirt off. But showing a girl that you are in shape, without being a tool is always a plus.
It shows that you care about your health, have an active interest in expelling your energy in a healthy way, and that you most likely enjoy active outdoor activities.
Don’t always control the conversation
There are plenty of generalizations about interpersonal communication between men and women that I call bullshit on. But one I will always buy into, for the most part, is that guys are often the initiators.
There is nothing wrong with this, but you should leave some wiggle room open for a possible paradigm shift. You are not obligated to always keep the conversation interesting and fresh.
There is no need to be clingy and desperate when she does not respond to you immediately. Matching with someone shows mutual interest, they have to put in their fair share of work as well. Courting a girl died in the 20th century, your time is just as valuable, so don’t waste it. The onus is on them to draw your attention just as much as it is on you.
Do establish plans sooner rather than later
If you want to meet up with a girl for a drink, alcoholic or non-alcoholic, you have a small window to operate in. If you can’t establish something within the initial conversation, the chances of seeing her in person will dissipate pretty fast.
Tinder is not the place to prolong a conversation over three or four days, it’s not like you have their cell phone number. Take the time in the initial conversation to get to know her as well as possible, then try to set something up.
If you put yourself at risk of getting rejected quicker, so be it, the quicker you know, the quicker you can move on.
Don’t be short in conversation
If your first message is “hey” or “what’s up”, what are you expecting her response to be? If you are going to be the one to establish communication, you might as well start off on an interesting note.
You would never start a conversation with a girl in person by just saying “hey”, unless you prefer brief encounters. Just because it’s through an app doesn’t mean you get a pass on lame introductions.
You can mention something that’s in her bio, ask an open-ended question that elicits more than a yes or no response, or compliment something unique about her appearance.
Do show your sense of humor
This is another simple and obvious suggestion, which is surprisingly underused.
The suave cool guy shtick is played out and is much harder to pull off when you are not in person. Ditch that and show her that you have a good sense of humor. Break the awkward tension and try to make her laugh.
A funny observation or light touch of sarcasm always trumps a corny joke you found on the internet. A little levity never hurt anyone, at the end of the day it’s casual dating, not a marriage proceeding.