Do’s And Don’ts for Women on Tinder
Ladies it’s time to step your game up and take the lead
Editors Note: This is a two-part series on the joys, sorrows, and painfully awkward experiences that Tinder provides. Over the past three months, Lede In’s, Javier Cortez ran Tinder accounts for male and female users and came back with some interesting thoughts on one of the most popular dating service apps. Javier is in no way an expert on dating or relationships, just another millennial know it all with a laptop.
Disclaimer to show I am not a creep: I know what you are thinking, did this guy really run some man’s Tinder account, pose as another dude, and talk to girls? The answer is neither yes or no, but somewhere in the middle.
With my male friend’s supervision and go ahead I initiated conversations, gave advice on what to say, and had input on possible meetups. Essentially, I got the ball rolling, nothing more, nothing less.
Getting to talk to chicks with zero personal investment was fun, a lot more than expected. All the stress and questioning you usually have when it’s your skin in the game goes away.
I can’t say I have any revelatory findings or new insights into the female psyche. But through the process of trial and error, you pick up on trends and find better approaches to talking to women.
It’s hard enough for guys on Tinder because the market is saturated with other dudes, vying for the same spot you are applying for. Even worse there are pervs with underlying intentions that give good guys a bad name.
I know ladies, the prospects do not seem that strong. But it’s not always black and white, there are touches of grey every now and again. If you want to meet your future boyfriend, platonic friend, or casual hookup here are some do’s and don’ts to accomplish just that.
Do write a direct and concise bio
This might seem like an obvious one, but I ran into this no-no on a consistent basis.
If you do not write a bio you are putting yourself at risk of running into the same run of the mill sleaze bags. No information on a Tinder account gives guys the impression you are not looking for anything serious, implying you only want sex.
There is nothing wrong with swiping right for the casual hookup, but the lack of distinction on your account invites the same type of guys.
A good bio consists of three things: what you are on Tinder for, your hobbies, and a little insight into your personality. No one knows you better than you, so do yourself and the guys on the other side a favor and write something.
Don’t use Snapchat filters in your profile photos
For the love of God save the flower crown and dog licking filters for Snapchat. Appearance is not everything, but it does matter in initial contact, so put up some regular photos of yourself.
Believe it or not, guys do not care what you look like with dog ears. One photo of yourself with a goofy filter is fine, it shows you have a fun personality and all that jazz, but do not have every photo on your profile filterized (yes that’s a made up word).
A couple of selfies, you posing with friends, and some action shots of you dancing, hiking, or playing with your dog will do just fine.
Do take the initiative and send the first message
As a guy, one of the hardest things about talking to women is making the first move. Whether you are at a bar, chilling with friends on campus, or chatting on Tinder.
Even the most confident, good looking men, like myself :), feel the pressure from time to time. By sending the first message, it gives him the confidence to engage, and it tells him that you have some interest by starting the conversation.
This is not a hard and fast rule, plenty of guys have no problem starting things off, but it’s a good changeup to throw in every once and a while.
Don’t play hard to get on a dating service app
I know I’m stereotyping. Playing hard to get goes both ways, men do it too. But this is important to stress.
Most do this as an insurance policy to avoid rejection, heartbreak, and overall embarrassment. All of which are justifiable reasons, but that’s not what a dating app is for.
Setting up an account and swiping right implies that someone has piqued your interest. You are on Tinder for a reason, so put the games aside, have fun, and stop taking yourself so seriously. Save the fake disinterest for some other time.
Do show your physical appearance for what it is worth
If you got some love handles, cellulite and large curves flaunt it, do not hide it. There is no point in putting five cropped photos that only show your face with immaculate makeup.
I’m not saying you should post busted photos of yourself, but you can’t hide who you are. We all have our flaws and imperfections, if a guy does not like you because of your size and shape, move on to the next one.
There is nothing more sexier than a woman who is comfortable in her own body and has confidence in herself. If you like what you have, show it.
Don’t act disinterested as a strategy
This might seem like a continuation of the don’t play hard to get reference, but this is truly unique in itself and specific to the women on Tinder.
On more than a dozen occasions I have read women’s bios that say a version of “I’m never on here”, “I never check this account”, or “don’t bother messaging me”.
I have seen some douchey male accounts with bad photos and grammatically incorrect bios, but I have genuinely never seen male accounts like this. Ladies, what the fuck? You either want to be on Tinder or you don’t, it’s that simple.
With messages like that, what type of men do you think you are going to attract? To use an old cliche; say what you mean and mean what you say.